Is it advisable for men to give their wives or girlfriends allowances

This topic sparks strong feelings on all sides. Some call it a sign of love and leadership. Others see it as outdated or financially impossible. Let's look at what an allowance really means in a modern relationship and whether it makes sense for you.

What Is a "Personal Allowance" in a Relationship?

First, let's clear up what we're talking about. A personal allowance in this context is a set amount of money given regularly by a man to his wife or girlfriend for her personal use, without needing to explain or justify each purchase.

It's different from:

• Shared household money for bills and groceries

• Splitting costs 50/50

• One partner controlling all the finances

This is money specifically for her to spend on herself whether that's toiletries, a coffee with friends, a new book, or saving for something special.

Why Many People Say "Yes" to Allowances

Recent discussions show that a large majority believe there's value in this practice. Here's why:

1. It's a Tangible Sign of Care
For many women whether they work outside the home or not receiving a personal allowance feels like being thought of. It says, "I see you as an individual with your own needs and desires."

2. It Supports Personal Freedom
Even in the closest relationships, having some money that's entirely your own matters. It allows for small pleasures or purchases without discussion or guilt.

3. It Honors Traditional Values in a Modern Way
For couples who value certain traditional dynamics where the man takes primary financial responsibility an allowance can be a practical expression of that commitment, updated for today's world.

4. It Can Prevent Small Resentments
When one partner (often the woman) handles most daily spending for the home or children, small personal purchases can feel awkward. An allowance creates clear, guilt-free space for personal spending.

The Other Side: Valid Concerns and Alternatives

Not every couple finds this practice necessary or helpful. Here are reasonable perspectives from the other side:

1. "We're Partners, Not Parent-Child"
Some couples feel the whole idea of an "allowance" feels unequal like one person is granting permission to the other. They prefer completely shared finances or independent accounts.

2. Financial Reality
"What if the man genuinely can't afford it?" This is a real concern. When money is extremely tight, every dollar has a designated purpose. An extra personal allowance might not be possible and that doesn't mean he cares less.

3. She Earns Her Own Money
Many modern women have strong careers and financial independence. The symbolic meaning might still be nice, but the practical need isn't there.

4. Different Strokes for Different Folks
Every relationship is unique. What works for a couple where one partner stays home with children won't work for dual-career partners who split everything equally.

Finding What Works for YOUR Relationship

Instead of asking "Should all men do this?", a better question might be: "What would make both partners in our relationship feel respected, cared for, and financially secure?"

Here are options beyond a traditional allowance:

✅ The "Fun Money" Budget
Both partners get an equal amount of personal spending money each month, no questions asked. This maintains equality while ensuring personal freedom.

✅ The "Appreciation Fund"
Instead of regular cash, the man (or either partner) sets aside money specifically for surprising the other a spontaneous gift, a date night, or something she's mentioned wanting.

✅ Non-Monetary Expressions
When money is tight, thoughtfulness doesn't have to be financial. Taking over chores so she can relax, planning a special day together, or simply verbalizing appreciation can be equally meaningful.

✅ Transparent Joint Planning
Sit down together and create a budget that includes personal spending for both people. This isn't one person giving another an allowance its partners planning together.

The Heart of the Matter: Thoughtfulness Over Rules

At its core, this discussion isn't really about money. It's about:

• Seeing your partner as an individual

• Valuing her contributions (financial or otherwise)

• Ensuring she feels secure and cared for

• Respecting her autonomy within your partnership

Whether it's through a personal allowance, a joint "fun money" account, or other thoughtful gestures, what matters most is that both partners feel the relationship is fair, loving, and supportive.

Instead of assuming or following what others do, have the conversation. Say:
"How do you feel about our finances? Is there anything that would make you feel more secure or valued? What does financial care look like to you?"

The answer will be different for every couple and that's perfectly okay. What works for you is what matters.

What do you think? Is a personal allowance a loving tradition or an outdated practice? How do you and your partner handle personal spending? Share your thoughts respectfully in the comments below.