Falling in Love: The Illusion of Intimacy
Falling in love is one of life’s most intense and captivating experiences. At first, it gives us the illusion that we share a perfect, intimate relationship, a feeling that we truly belong to each other. In this state, it seems as though the challenges of life can be conquered together, and every desire is directed toward making our partner happy. One young man described his feelings for his fiancée: “I can’t conceive of doing anything to hurt her. My only desire is to make her happy. I would do anything for her.” This sense of obsession creates a powerful but often misleading illusion. We feel that our egocentric tendencies have disappeared, replaced by a selfless devotion reminiscent of Mother Teresa. The freedom with which we give comes from the sincere belief that our lover reciprocates these feelings. We assume they are equally committed to meeting our needs and would never intentionally hurt us. In these early stages, the world seems to shrink into a private universe shared by t...